The essence of the Gospel is a call to relationship with God through faith in Jesus Christ. Our living out the reality of that relationship involves focusing on God and being dependent upon Him rather than trying to get control of our life.
We shall never find comfort or assurance by looking within.
It is what Jesus is, not what we are or do, that gives rest to our souls and transforms our lives, and over comes all the accusations of the evil one. The devil whispers „Your sins are too great for God to forgive, you have such a wavering faith, you do not repent enough; your prayers are too weak and pathetic, and you will never keep your faith till the end.“ But note all these are thoughts about self and our circumstances, and we will never find comfort or assurance by looking within.
It is the Holy Spirit's work to turn our eyes from self to Jesus. To show us that Jesus has done it all and now sits at the right hand of the Father. To show us we are nothing, but „Christ is all in all.“ To cause us to remember it is not our hold on Christ that saves us. Our faith is only the instrument but it is Christ and His blood and merits that have rescued us from our deepest need. He is the author and finisher of our faith. (Hebrews 12,2)
So I finally realize that I shall never find peace or happiness by looking at myself. It is who Jesus is, not who I am, that gives rest to my soul. So I quit trying to arrange for a better Vlado and a better life and rather: 1. Seek to be looking to Jesus – having a settled and growing confidence in Him and what He has done (versus looking to me and my circumstances); and 2. Let this truth fill and transform my soul.
As the old hymn puts it:
„My hope is built on nothing else, than Jesus' blood and righteousness: I dare not trust the sweetest frame, but wholly lean on Jesus' name.”